Safe, sane and consensual

September 14, 2009

I don’t know if any of you have heard about Annie Le. She was a grad student who disappeared from her own lab building in the middle of a workday. They found her body in the basement of that building on Sunday—her planned wedding day.

The story is deeply unsettling. The poor girl was not alone in some sketchy neighborhood late at night. She was at work on the campus of a fancy school, surrounded by other people and security cameras. And still she wasn’t safe.

Her sad end got me thinking about myself (being the self-centered person I am). Simply because of my interests, I lead a somewhat riskier-than-average life. I’m starting to realize that I may have been  too reckless when it comes to my personal life. In the past, I’ve let intuition, hormones and sheer whim guide my behavior. I guess the combination of being young and feeling indestructible and being dominant and used to having a certain amount of control over people and situations may lull me into a false sense of security sometimes.

I mean, I’m not Amazonian in stature, nor am I trained in jujitsu, nor do I carry a weapon. I sort of lucked out with my last two internet finds in that they didn’t kill, injure or kidnap me. Fucked me over and grossed me out, yes, but they were essentially sane.

I’m checking out various bdsm websites again in my search for a new submissive boy. But I’m now playing it safer. I don’t give out personal information easily, if at all. I use *67 if I do call someone. I exchange a number of messages with a potential guy before having a phone conversation. If that goes well, I schedule a face-to-face meeting during the day in a public spot. And if that goes well, then a real date.

And I go with my gut. If something seems at all off about someone, I stop communicating with him. My instincts are perhaps not so good at distinguishing assholes from non-assholes, but I can pick out creepy vibes as well as anyone.

One fear that haunts me is just how friggin’ scandalous it would be if someone did off me. I mean, yes, being abducted, assaulted or killed is obviously bad, but think about how such a story would play out in my case (or heck, maybe yours too). The very first thing the cops would do is search my place. It wouldn’t take long for them to find my little collection of toys, books and other naughty stuff. Not to mention all the junk that must be on my computer (and this blog).  Even if kink had nothing to do with it, I just know the headlines would be all: “PERVERTED KINKY SLUT MURDERED IN BIZARRE SEX RITUAL!”

Ugh.

So I’m trying to be very, very careful. I have two daytime meetings lined up for this upcoming week, one on Wednesday and one on Sunday, both in busy, public spots. I talked to the boys on the phone and they both seem harmless, but a little extra caution is never a bad thing.

My thoughts are with Annie’s family tonight.

Stay safe, everyone.

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4 Responses to “Safe, sane and consensual”

  1. elegantmonster Says:

    Have you ever thought of using a safe call system?


  2. Yes, I’ve done that before. I think I’ll have to start doing that again. Thanks.

  3. Devotee Says:

    I’ve been following this story as well and it is indeed quite sad. There are some really horrible people out there. I am happy that you play it safe, LowDown. For me, the safety issue is not so much of a concern, as being 6’3″ and of a darker shade kind of gives me this messed-up sense of safety, but wtf…the downside is that people are afraid of me at the outset, which is also really messed-up since I’m a total teddy bear. Anyway, I hope everyone out there looks out for each other and remember to do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable.

  4. Bellaforte Says:

    I just met a new boy Sunday, and broke a few rules (after the first meeting)… I trust my gut about who’s safe and who’s not.
    This reminds me all over again how lucky I am, though.


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