Archive for the 'observations' Category

Why are they so annoying?

September 10, 2009

The guys who contact me through my profile on CM are so damned inquisitive. They are constantly asking questions. Why’s your picture like that? Why do you have the other picture up? Why don’t you like libertarian politics? Why didn’t you answer my message? Why didn’t you answer my second message? What’s your Yahoo ID? Can we talk on the phone? Tell me. Give me. Feed me. Want me. Me. Me. Me.

Even thinking about it makes me feel a little suffocated. If there’s one thing a sub likes to do, it’s to be all up in your shit constantly (well, if you let them). The former boy was like that. He sent me dozens of e-mails per day, some just to ask how I was, or to tell me what he was doing, or just to say, ‘hi’. If I only sent back one or two responses, then he’d get all freaked out and send even more, leave texts, call me, etc.  Once, I mentioned to him that I’ll probably only be in the area for a couple more years at the most and could end up pretty much anywhere after that. His response? Hopefully suggesting that we’d still talk on the phone or exchange e-mails everyday for like, forever, I guess.


But the guys who really irritate me are pushy types who want to know my real name, city, and profession right away. I had one guy ask me what I do for work and then get pissy when I wouldn’t tell him. He called me “flaky”, which a) doesn’t make sense and b) is rude. Exchanging a few casual messages on a website doesn’t give you any sort of claim to that kind of information, fellas. If I want to share those details, I’ll do so of my own accord, not just because you asked.

Goes to show how even those who seek the control and authority of a domme still operate with a typical male sense of entitlement over women.

I guess it never occurs to men that there might be perfectly legitimate and sensible reasons why a woman would choose not to reveal information that just might make her vulnerable to stalking or harassment. I don’t live in a particularly large city and there are certain details about myself that would make it pretty easy for a determined person to figure out exactly who I am. I’m also at the very start of a career in a somewhat conservative profession. So I’m certainly not interested in floating more personal information out there on a fucking BDSM website than strictly necessary.

Not to mention the fact that, oh hey, I like doing things my way and hate being controlled, manipulated or pressured. But of course, since I’m female, if I don’t yield to some random man’s wants or expectations, then I’m the problem: stand-offish, bitchy, cold, rude, rough etc. Well fuck me, but did you expect someone with a dominant personality to be a damned bunny rabbit?

So I consider it a red flag now when a guy presses continually for personal details, or to talk on the phone or  to meet in person. Besides being utterly annoying, that person is highly unlikely to have my needs or desires uppermost in his mind.

My checklist

September 6, 2009

I’ve been running through this one a lot lately. Yeah, it’s sort of a Marie Claire kind of thing, but screw it, I like lists. So far, the majority don’t make it past #2 or 3, quite a few don’t make it  past #4 or 5, and no one has made it past #7.

  1. Available in every sense of the word? (i.e. single, healthy, whole, lives nearby-ish)
  2. Attractive? Can I imagine myself kissing him? Fucking him?
  3. Educated? Gainfully employed? Leads a full and interesting life?
  4. Fun and easy to talk to? Is there chemistry? Good rapport?
  5. Fundamentally decent and honest? Kind? Well-mannered? Does he make my Spidey sense tingle?
  6. Nice package? (I’m not a size queen, but I’m not interested in below-average either).
  7. Good in bed? Knows what he’s doing? Attentive and considerate?
  8. Behaves normally afterward (rather than, say, running away, weeping, or turning into a jerk)?

‘Kinky’ or ‘submissive’ aren’t on the list because I’m not dating vanilla at the moment. That might change if Kinksville doesn’t yield any prospects soon-ish or I happen to meet the perfect vanilla guy.

Right now, I’ll say that my biggest problem with kink-oriented dating is that the carnal seems to be top priority for most kinky guys. Not that it isn’t for men in general, but kinky guys seem to think that being kinky gives them carte blanche to sexualize everything. It affects how they talk to me, how they treat me, etc. I can practically see ‘S-E-X’ blinking in neon lights over their fool heads.

This sort of behavior is obnoxious for the following reasons (see, I really do love lists): First, it’s not gentlemanly to make assumptions. Most people, kinky and non-, seem to think that kinky = easy. Second, I don’t like being objectified. Third, I prefer to be the aggressor. I hate fending off slavering males. I lose respect for someone who can’t control himself enough to behave like a civilized person.

Unfortunately (and perhaps obviously), sub men tend to lack self-control. This makes a lot of them behave like jackasses and this, in turn, makes me question my interest in submissives altogether. However, I’ve only been in things  for a short while so I’m not too dispirited at the moment.

But I am starting to think that I may have to revise The List. Apparently, single, sane, smart, healthy and good-looking men who aren’t solely interested in a quick fuck are basically unicorns. I think I might’ve spotted one years ago, but he ran off with a virgin.



August 30, 2009

It’s late and I can’t sleep. I was suddenly struck by the thought that I’ll never find the right person. There’s something wrong with me, how I go about this, and I don’t know how to fix it.

I’m becoming more and more certain that I am going to end up alone. I’m not afraid of being alone. I’m afraid of being lonely.

Feist – “Lonely, Lonely”