Archive for the 'femdom' Category

Found kink: Descent

September 13, 2009

I know this is kind of wrong, but Descent (2007) has some of the hottest femdom scenes I’ve ever seen.  Completely kicks the ass of most ‘femdom’ porn I’ve ever seen. If you have Netflix, you can watch it instantly. I’ll admit I skipped most of the movie (which is actually mostly about a young woman who is raped by some asshole) to get to the good stuff at the very end.

First there’s a lengthy CFNM scene with the gorgeous Rosario Dawson teasing, dominating and basically getting her rapist (Chad Faust) all worked up into a hormonal lather before blindfolding him and leading him away. This is followed by her chaining him to a bed in some dungeon-y looking place, then violating him painfully with what looks like a baton. Finally, there’s a really long, really hot rape scene starring slab-o-beef Marcus Patrick.

Dawson just kind of hangs out ringside while this is going on. She remains fully clothed and is  pretty uninvolved once the revenge rape is really getting underway, so the focus is definitely on the two men.  Patrick is a remarkable specimen of manhood and Faust has that clean-cut, boy-next-door sort of look I tend to go for. They’re both naked, sweating, grunting and interacting with each other with a very D/s sort of dynamic, very raw. I love how Patrick just fucking manhandles Faust, crooning evil things while giving him a reaming he’ll never forget. The look of fear in the boy’s eyes, his obvious humiliation (when he starts to enjoy what’s happening), his ineffectual struggling against the bonds, and (muffled) screams are all so….yummy.

The one thing that kind of messes with the verisimilitude is that the few times we see Faust’s naughty bits, he’s flaccid…OK, there are a few other things, but whatever, it still works for me!

This is one that’s definitely staying in my queue.

The sweetest song of all

April 10, 2009

“Me, me, me, me, me, me, me…”

I stole that one from Brando.

One thing I’m trying to figure out is how certain things become problematic when put into a D/s context. For instance, I’ve lately found myself giving a lot of emotional support, pep talks, etc. to a few subs I know who are going through some rough times. In one sense, this seems like it could be interpreted as me being an attentive, concerned Domme. In another sense, I might just be doing that thing that we women do (and are expected to do): care.

Now that I’ve hung out in Kinkland for awhile, I see that actions, words, relations, all depend on context to give them meaning. A sub woman might interpret being taken out on the town as reinforcing her place as a dominant’s pet and plaything. A dom woman might interpret the same thing as her due as a goddess, tribute, a form of service even. Like I said: it’s a matter of context.

So I’m dominant. I’m independent and don’t like asking for help. I’m the classic eldest child. I’d rather be the one giving advice and being consulted. I prefer to be viewed as the rock, the steady and calm fount of strength and wisdom (or something). And I’m not a ‘taker’, though I’m as self-centered as anyone.

But it gets tiresome after awhile. I feel like I’m doing a lot of giving and am not sure what I’m getting in return. Worry, heartache, the quicksand feeling of being pulled inexorably into someone else’s life, someone else’s problems and issues.

It’s not just one person. I seem to be falling into this same trap with all of the sub men I meet. They all have problems. They all need help (my help, is what they seem to think). Dating since I came into my kinkiness has been a careful dance on my part to avoid the landmines, to find pleasure and joy where I can.

When I started out, I had a cartoonish notion of dominance. It seemed then like it would be an escape from the worries and cares of vanilla life. I could have my needs met, be catered to, fawned over, adored.

Now I’m starting to view dominance with more mixed feelings. It is starting to seem more like a burden than anything else. I see all the submissives out there (so many!) and my heart sinks. They are like baby birds with their beaks agape: more, more, more, more.

I’ve been thinking seriously about trying to date around a little and meet more sub men, but am wary of taking on more than I can handle. So my thoughts on this are less: More subs will make my life better and more fulfilling! Rather, I think: More subs will make my life harder and more complicated!

Maymay said something on his podcast that gave me pause. He noted that he thought that being submissive was a sort of expression or example of his essential self-centeredness. I was surprised because so many submissives (the men, at least) describe themselves as servants or slaves, wanting nothing better than to cater to a dominant’s every whim. I’m thinking Maymay’s characterization might be closer to what’s really going on.

Submission is about letting go, no? Losing or surrendering control, giving oneself over to an active, external force (the dominant). But that also means giving up responsibility, handing off mindfulness and consequences to another.

I’m starting to realize that I’m more sadistic than I thought I was. Hitting someone, hearing him grunt from the pain, that gets me wet.

But my dominance sort of ebbs and flows. Most of the time it’s there, but sometimes, sometimes, I wish I could hand the reins over to someone else for a change, relax, not think, not analyze, not observe, but be totally selfish and self-centered.

I can be selfish in bed. That part is easy. It’s the other parts of D/s that can seem like wearying burdens sometimes.

Sigh.

Don’t pay me any mind, kids. I think I’m just a little more stressed and tired than usual. Hopefully a good night’s sleep, some ice cream and the prospect of kinky sex will revive me and my flagging dominance.

What kind of Domme are you?

February 19, 2009

One reason why I started this blog was ’cause I haven’t come across that many detailed, ongoing discussions of getting into kink right from the beginning, when you’re still rubbing the vanilla out of your eyes. But I don’t think I’ve emphasized enough how weird things can look when you’re at this transitional stage.

Guys, it’s weird being so new to all of this. Weird telling people that I realized I was into pervy stuff about four months ago. Weird because most of the kinky people I’ve interacted with have known they were kinky since they were like, toddlers.

“Oh, I liked getting caught and tied up when we played cops and robbers in grade school.”

“When I was a little girl, I chased down and sat on the boys I had crushes on.”

“I had leather diapers. I was born with a ball gag in my mouth.”

From a newb’s perspective, such talk comes off (probably unintentionally) as a sort of pissing contest about ‘proving’ your kinky credentials. I’m guessing this might be a mix of a) the truth, b) leftover crap from the Old Guard about authenticity and ‘earning your leather’ and c) insecurity (theirs and mine).

(Yeah, I also hate it when people throw ‘insecurity’ around as a reason for everything that anyone does. But still, seems to fit most of the time, doesn’t it?)

Me? I’m still figuring out not only what being a dominant, sadistic and kinky woman means, but what it is exactly.

  • Does sexual sadism mean getting off from pain only in a sexual context? Any kind of pain? Pain in nonsexual contexts? Is The Passion of the Christ like porn for some people?
  • Does assuming the dominant role in a relationship mean taking on a more hands-on role in terms of decision-making, (i.e. doing all the heavy-lifting, being bossy all the time)? Or just lying back and letting the work be done for you, (i.e. “worm, your Goddess demands that you do My taxes!”)?
  • What’s the line between sex and play, if there is any? Should I be jealous if my submissive plays with someone else? Should I not be so averse to playing with female subs, even though I’m straight?

Once, I was thrown into a kind of existential crisis when a submissive man asked me, “so wat kind of Domme r u Goddes?”

After dying a little bit inside, I found myself stymied. What kind of Domme am I? What kinds of Dommes are there? Is there a well-known typology that I’m unaware of?

I investigated online and came across a few types:

Super Dominatrix: cold, cruel, wholly sadistic, evil and crazy bitch; has a pussy made of sandpaper and battery acid; the stuff of submissive male fantasy. Examples: Elizabeth Bathory; Ilse Koch; Ann Coulter.

Fetish Doll: young, pretty, toned, under-dressed, probably actually submissive. Examples: all of femdom porn.

School Marm, Nurse or Nanny/Governess: severe, prim, proper, starched, disapproving, reads a little older (oedipal complex, shhhh). Examples:

Gauzy Hippie Goth Chick: more into the spiritual side of BDSM, online play, velvet corsets, some crossover with the Renn Faire and sci fi/fantasy crowd. No examples, but there’s this post.

Professional: professional dominatrix. Examples: everywhere.

Well, I am not a sociopath, nor do I walk around with the “same doll smile crimped between [my] chin and  [my] nose.” I loathe velvet, don’t like the look of fetish wear, and don’t get paid to dominate men, so none of the above.

The way I think of myself is still evolving. I change my mind all the time. The one thing I know for sure is that people take this stuff way too seriously sometimes. Kinky folk can come across as incredibly humorless and uptight, which is the exact opposite of what kinkiness should be all about (here I go, making up a new rule).

What kind of Domme am I?

That’s like asking what kind of straight woman or American or pet owner I am. Labels can be convenient shortcuts, but sometimes it seems that lifestylers think only in terms of labels.

So, what about you, gentle reader? Know what kind of dominant, switch or submissive you are? Or is the question just as lame as I’d thought?