Archive for the 'crankiness' Category

The unsatisfactory end to an unsatisfying affair

January 30, 2010

At least I got the last word. He’s been too chicken to respond. I don’t think I was that mean.

[Redacted]…You weren’t planning on calling me ever, were you? Or responding to my e-mail?

I found your newest profile, kid. It was surprisingly easy, especially since you were silly enough to use a real photograph of yourself. Now I’m wondering how many profiles you’ve had up, there and elsewhere, and who else you’ve been talking to or meeting with since we got together. It seems clear there’s been at least one.

Now I’m wondering whether those times you couldn’t make it at the last minute–your sister’s collapse, the illnesses, etc. were just more lies. Were you just out scouting for another domme and needed an excuse to break our dates?

That’s what happens when you’re deceived–you doubt everything you’ve been told.

If there’s one thing I hate, it’s dishonesty.

But even if the stories weren’t lies….somehow it was acceptable for your life to get in the way of our time together, but not mine. I was very understanding about all the times you couldn’t see me because other things got in the way. You have not reciprocated this understanding. Instead, you’ve accused me of not knowing what I want.

Well, I don’t think you know what you want. You obviously like kinky women, but I don’t think you can tolerate the other stuff that comes with being with a dominant. It seems that you still want to be in charge of the relationship. Not even equal. [Redacted], if you want a kinky woman who will cater to your submissive desires, then you should look for service tops or pro-dommes and leave the natural dominants alone.

Just because I don’t want to dominate my partner all the time doesn’t mean I’m confused about my orientation or identity. I know who and what I am. I am dominant and I am kinky, but I’m more than just a domme. I need a partner who understands that, someone who is more than just a sub himself. I think your behavior reveals that you’re not a man who likes being treated like a boy sometimes…you’re just a boy.

I’m sorry you turned out to be this way. I’d already had a bad feeling about subs before meeting you. This has just confirmed my suspicions.

My biggest regret is that I didn’t beat the living fuck out of you when I had the chance.

I’m not terribly upset, though I’m a little hurt that he didn’t even bother telling me it was over explicitly. I guess I never mattered much to him in the first place. And I’m definitely annoyed that I wasted the past few months on someone who turned out to be so worthless. I thought there was potential there, but I guess I was wrong.

Hot Hot Heat – “Shame On You”

Fed up

January 29, 2010

I’m officially giving up on submissive men. Fuck them all. They are selfish and even worse, manipulative and sneaky. I can’t trust a submissive man. His desires drive him in such a way as to scramble his ethics. I hate dishonesty above all else and for some reason, the submissive men I’ve met couldn’t ever be fully honest with me. (FYI: Deceit by omission counts as lying).

I don’t want to deal with men who keep back-up dommes on the side in case one doesn’t meet their expectations.

Look, I’m a person, not a goddess. I make mistakes. I have personality flaws. I don’t always do or say the thing you want me to do or say. And I’m fucking busy now so I can’t cater to your every submissive whim these days. But none of that justifies you meeting other women on the sly, or taking up with one instantly after deciding things with me weren’t going to work out (without informing me of this decision either).

I have feelings, asshole.

So I’m done. I’m tired of being objectified. I’m tired of being faced with unreasonable expectations and demands. I’m tired of being hurt. I’m just. So. Damned. Tired.

Apology

January 28, 2010

Dear sub boy:

I’m sorry if I’m not as accommodating, attentive, and available as you’d prefer. I’m sorry that my work comes first in my life these days, not you. I’m sorry that I don’t respond to your e-mails right away, or that I don’t immediately drop what I’m doing to return your phone calls. I’m sorry if our relationship feels unbalanced because I think about my needs ahead of yours. I’m sorry I’m not more sensitive to your needs and desires. I’m sorry if I’m not dominating you exactly how and when you’d like to be dominated. I’m sorry I don’t think about you as often as you think about me. I’m sorry that I’m not ready to be completely emotionally vulnerable with you, even though we’ve known each other for a few months now. I’m sorry that I’m confused about what I want. I’m sorry I don’t know myself as well as you know me. I’m sorry I have emotional baggage because I was involved with men before I met you. I’m sorry I haven’t lived up to your expectations.

Sorry,

S&L