Why are they so annoying?

September 10, 2009

The guys who contact me through my profile on CM are so damned inquisitive. They are constantly asking questions. Why’s your picture like that? Why do you have the other picture up? Why don’t you like libertarian politics? Why didn’t you answer my message? Why didn’t you answer my second message? What’s your Yahoo ID? Can we talk on the phone? Tell me. Give me. Feed me. Want me. Me. Me. Me.

Even thinking about it makes me feel a little suffocated. If there’s one thing a sub likes to do, it’s to be all up in your shit constantly (well, if you let them). The former boy was like that. He sent me dozens of e-mails per day, some just to ask how I was, or to tell me what he was doing, or just to say, ‘hi’. If I only sent back one or two responses, then he’d get all freaked out and send even more, leave texts, call me, etc.  Once, I mentioned to him that I’ll probably only be in the area for a couple more years at the most and could end up pretty much anywhere after that. His response? Hopefully suggesting that we’d still talk on the phone or exchange e-mails everyday for like, forever, I guess.

Sigh.

But the guys who really irritate me are pushy types who want to know my real name, city, and profession right away. I had one guy ask me what I do for work and then get pissy when I wouldn’t tell him. He called me “flaky”, which a) doesn’t make sense and b) is rude. Exchanging a few casual messages on a website doesn’t give you any sort of claim to that kind of information, fellas. If I want to share those details, I’ll do so of my own accord, not just because you asked.

Goes to show how even those who seek the control and authority of a domme still operate with a typical male sense of entitlement over women.

I guess it never occurs to men that there might be perfectly legitimate and sensible reasons why a woman would choose not to reveal information that just might make her vulnerable to stalking or harassment. I don’t live in a particularly large city and there are certain details about myself that would make it pretty easy for a determined person to figure out exactly who I am. I’m also at the very start of a career in a somewhat conservative profession. So I’m certainly not interested in floating more personal information out there on a fucking BDSM website than strictly necessary.

Not to mention the fact that, oh hey, I like doing things my way and hate being controlled, manipulated or pressured. But of course, since I’m female, if I don’t yield to some random man’s wants or expectations, then I’m the problem: stand-offish, bitchy, cold, rude, rough etc. Well fuck me, but did you expect someone with a dominant personality to be a damned bunny rabbit?

So I consider it a red flag now when a guy presses continually for personal details, or to talk on the phone or  to meet in person. Besides being utterly annoying, that person is highly unlikely to have my needs or desires uppermost in his mind.

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