Bitter and kinky

August 29, 2009

So I have a Collar Me profile in which I describe myself as attractive, intelligent and well-educated. I hardly think that sounds like insufferable bragging. And no, my screen name is not ‘Queen/Princess/Goddess Something-or-Other’ either. I also specify in my profile that I want someone who  is intelligent and has at least a college degree (with more advanced degrees being a plus).

Yet here’s a message I got the other day from some submissive. Spelling and grammatical errors are original:

“why do mingers call themselves goddess?? vanity is a female trait.. You should think yourself lucky that men do not have a set list of criteria for a partner (oh because i’m intellegent) That would be the end of the human race. Get real idiot and show your face if you claim to be so attractive.”

I think this was sent in response to a comment I made in my profile about how lots of men call themselves handsome (specifically, ‘handsome’…not ‘cute’ or ‘attractive’) and are usually mediocre-looking at best. (Am I nuts or aren’t most people pretty well aware of where they fall on the attractiveness scale?) It’s not vanity on their parts; it’s self-delusion at best, false advertising at worst.

First, I can take criticism. But I can’t take criticism that makes no sense.  My profile has a doctored picture of myself and because it doesn’t show my entire face, people occasionally will accuse me of being ugly and like, trying to hide it. Hello? Most profiles on this BDSM website do not have clear, head-on pictures either. Most people do not want to take the chance that their sexual peccadilloes (which are still defined as paraphilias by the DSM, by the way) will be revealed to a still disapproving world.

Using these kinds of websites can be so damned irritating. If I’m too vague about what I want, then I get lots of messages from the wrong kind of people, i.e. uneducated, not particularly smart, way too old or unattractive. If I’m too specific, then I’m accused of being a shallow, demanding bitch by bitters who obviously don’t measure up.

And yet I see millions of ads by men looking for a particular body type, ethnicity/race,  or hair color…as if women are like flavors of ice cream to sample. A “set list of criteria for a partner” indeed! At least my criteria are not entirely superficial. Just because an awful lot of men out there are willing to shackle themselves to a pretty idiot doesn’t mean I am.

So why is it that a woman who wants a man who matches her in terms of  looks and intellect is something to be angry about? I mean, an average guy wanting a woman who is basically out of his league is unremarkable. For whatever reason, my desire for a partner who is  basically my equal means I’m being unreasonably demanding.

It’s hard to state this without sounding insufferable, but fuck it: If I want a smart, good-looking and accomplished guy, it’s entirely reasonable of me. Settling for any old schmo is not.

The Beatles – “Nowhere Man”


Advertisements

One Response to “Bitter and kinky”

  1. Devotee Says:

    Don’t worry about it…just search for what you are seeking…forget all the bullsh*t out there.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: