Between the devil and the deep blue sea

July 5, 2009

I’m still learning new things about myself and my kinks. Like, these days I’m starting to suspect that my kinky imagination, my sexual creativity and fire, is fueled by (surprise, surprise) emotional connection.

I gave up on one-night stands awhile ago. It’s not about the walk of shame, or a moral problem, or fear of disease or anything like that. They’re just blah. Unfortunately, I can’t come with just anyone. Orgasm-less sex might make sense in the context of an emotionally-fulfilling relationship, but it’s damned pointless otherwise.

So I’ve stopped fucking around. It’s a waste of time and condoms for me. Serial monogamy works out better for me.

And I’m starting to figure out that this is true for D/s and kink as well. Chemistry might be enough to spark something hot and fast, but it’s not enough on its own to sustain ongoing sexual exploration. I don’t know about you, but I need to trust my partner, feel comfortable with him, have a good rapport and unobstructed lines of communication, in order to have my dirty fun.

So….casual play. It’s probably not going to be as fulfilling as play with someone I know and care about (and who cares about me), but I can’t rule it out entirely at this point. I just haven’t had the chance to indulge yet. And I’ve been satisfied enough with my current thing to not seek it out.

But…I’ve begun to wonder if I’m missing out by sticking with one person. What (or who) else is out there? Am I getting too comfortable? Would there be a different kind of intensity with someone I don’t know very well? (The sizzle of novelty?) Shouldn’t I be pushing myself to meet new people? What kind of kinkster settles so damned quickly?

And so I get all restless and annoy the bejeezus out of myself. And then I have to remind myself that I’m a terrible, black-hearted misanthrope and hermit and hate meeting new people, and also that any kind of one-off is likely to be unfulfilling.

So I guess my options are the status quo or to find my kinky + vanilla perfect mate. But then, I sure as hell don’t have the time or patience to do the latter. So here I am.

Well, damn. Fuck.

This is what happens when you’re slutty, but not slutty enough.

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One Response to “Between the devil and the deep blue sea”

  1. W Says:

    Hi S&L,

    What would you say about taking bdsm related classes? You would be forced to meet new people, many of whom are at the same level of experience, and the point of a get together is not solely a “meet market”.

    I’m biased, but I have a very high opinion of Yin’s rope share classes, that she hosts occasionally.

    And I also happen to know she has taught lessons in caning, flogging and single tailing, so if you don’t have an interest in hemp, she’s been known to teach in areas she has experience in.

    So even if you don’t meet anyone you’d be interested in doing eeeeeevil things to, you’d have experience in techniques that might interest you under a very knowledgeable tutor, *and* you would have new things to try out on the boy!

    -W


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