Prince Charming is submissive

April 28, 2009

I was having a conversation with a vanilla friend the other day. She wanted feedback on her love life.

This is a friend who—as much as I love her—irritates the hell out of me when it comes to men.  She likes men who are dominant, take-charge kind of fellows, yet complains when these dominant types end up being inattentive, insensitive assheads.

I could not resist telling her that what she really needs is a submissive man. I even said it just like that, “someone submissive.” Being vanilla (as far as I know), the term didn’t ring any bells for her. ‘Submissive’ to her just means, ‘pussy-whipped.’

Like many vanilla hetero women–and many vanilla hetero men as well…and hell, some kinky folks too—she confuses ‘dominant’ with ‘asshole.’

She agreed with me when I told her that she had ceded too much power to her last boyfriend.  By allowing him to dictate the terms of their relationship, she had allowed a selfish, untrustworthy person to jerk her around for far too long. But she resisted the idea of taking ‘too much’ control.

I think she, like many vanilla hetero women, believes that being anything more than ‘the little lady’ will emasculate her partner. Upon losing his edge in power in the relationship, this poor man will promptly melt into a spineless, undesirable puddle of slop.

It’s a strange, contradictory attitude: men are powerful, but they are also fundamentally weak. If a woman effectively challenges a man’s dominance over her, he will be reduced to less of a man. He is hen-pecked, browbeaten, pussy-whipped.

Stories of men letting down their guard with powerful women inevitably end in disaster (see: Ahab, Samson, Jason, Macbeth, Claudius I, Stedman). There are no guidelines for how to submit to a woman without being viewed as less of a man (which may be one reason why there’s quite a lot of that ‘submissive in the bedroom only‘ business going on in Kinkland).

All of this is even odder when one considers the myth of Prince Charming. He is devoted, loyal, true, sweet, thoughtful, selfless, sensitive, and willing to endure great harm….all for his lady love.

Prince Charming is submissive. He slays dragons and gives foot rubs. He wears shining armor and my collar. It’s chivalry but with actual sex and without the icky gender norms.

Or at least, that’s how I frame submission. The ability to surrender control and authority to another person requires physical and emotional strength and courage. I wouldn’t want to be in a D/s relationship with someone who is fundamentally weak, unworthy of respect. Power exchange requires that both partners have power. Submission and dominance are just modes, distinct expressions of will to power.

Ahhhh….the Nietzsche reference. I’ve been feeling it bubble around in my kink for months. I’m going to stop now before I start drawing connections between the eternal recurrence and dating.


2 Responses to “Prince Charming is submissive”

  1. axe Says:

    This post should be printed and hung up all over town.

    Now….to find some dragons.

  2. anonyslut Says:

    But was Prince Charming pretty? Or a darling boy/slut/toy? If not, it doesn’t matter; i adore being owned, & love my Mistress. i enjoy the communication needed for a D/s relationship, & the trust that goes with it. Finally, i feel much better submitting my will in a D/s relationship, than having it taken without my consent in a ‘nilla relationship.


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