My super romantic, sexy, perfect Valentine’s Day weekend

February 23, 2009

The boy was swigging Pepto due to the queasiness that his meds were inducing. And despite the Percocet, he was still in some pain, so we had to go easy on the acrobatics. I stuck to light bondage with the handy-dandy Under Bed Restraint System (unfortunately, my bed doesn’t have a headboard or anything else to attach restraints to) and a little sensation play with my brand new Wartenberg pinwheel, which is a heckuva lot sharper and more cruel-looking in person than in pictures. (The boy lay very, very still when I gently ran it over his scrotum.)

Though there was no hitting, we still had a good tease and tickle session, followed by sex and snuggling. I adore snoozing with another person, especially when that person is as cuddly as the boy, but I did wake up at least twice in order to fight him for the covers. He always manages to steal the duvet and the quilt, then kick them both off the bed. He’s a deep sleeper and immune to pokes or shakes, so in a moment of sleepy, goosebumpy desperation, I tickled him. He giggled rather cutely in his sleep and relinquished his death grip on the duvet. (Fun, and it gave me some ideas….)

More cuddles and breakfast the next morning. French toast and excellent coffee ground in my awesome new burr grinder. (Pricey, but totally worth it if you’re at all picky about coffee.) I like hanging out in the kitchen watching him bustle around. Definitely one of my favorite things about having a service-oriented sub is being able to kick back and have someone bring me more coffee and be my footstool and whipping boy too.

Leisurely breakfast, lots of coffee, kinky talk. Me contemplating more sex before he had to go.  Just a nice Sunday morning, until…

People, I was literally in the middle of a sentence when my mother walked in. I was so stunned that I actually blurted out, “What the fuck is going on?” (Turned out, the front door was unlocked).

Thank god my mom’s grasp of English isn’t as good as her grasp of, say, filial wrongdoing.

Remember geometry? Well, one’s parents and one’s sex life are like parallel lines. They’re both there, neither is inherently better or more valued than the other, but in order to keep the universe from collapsing, they must remain at a distance until infinity. Infinity.

That metaphor didn’t make much sense. Sorry.

OK, what I’m trying to say is that when I saw my tiny, middle-aged Asian mother wander into my living room all sensible haircut and mom jeans as I sat there with my sub boy, talking about shoving things into his ass, my recurring fantasy of making him suck off dudes, and my hope that he’ll soon be healthy enough to take a really brutal beating, my kinky erection just went totally flaccid.

The boy’s first thought upon seeing my mother was, “Holy crap! There’s a butt plug on the bathroom sink!” Fortunately, the boy had the presence of mind to quickly and quietly run around hiding all the sex and kink gear while I stalled…er, talked to my mother at the door.

The boy left (no morning-after nookie, damn) and I spent a little while talking my parents down. Mom and Dad are pretty conservative and sex-before-marriage is unthinkable. Naturally, they were wondering who the tall white boy was and what he was doing in my apartment. Fortunately we were both fully clothed and sitting having a quiet conversation in the living room as opposed to say, playing, fucking or frolicking in the shower. Since it was the early afternoon, I was able to give them a plausible lie about how the boy is a friend who was over for brunch.

I’m a very private person (despite this blog) and don’t share details about my personal life, except on a need-to-know basis. And that’s with close friends. I don’t tell my parents anything about anything, though I’m sure they have their suspicions. At one point my father actually peered into my bedroom (messy but lacking any incriminating paraphanalia or puddles).


I was little annoyed at the unannounced visit, but one can’t stay annoyed at one’s parents in such a situation. Especially when they come bearing gifts like a huge sack of fruit, home-cooked food and a new sauce pot. My mother had also bought me a ridiculously dinky apron. I’ve been needing to get one, but was thinking of something that looks more like this:

She got me this:

Hmmm…not really my style, but it’s useful and brand new and I was raised by Mr. and Mrs. Frugal so I wouldn’t feel right chucking it unless it’s threadbare and full of holes. I think I’ll make the boy wear it the next time he makes me breakfast.

It was a decent weekend overall. It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been sooo much worse. Could’ve been better too, but fortunately, I don’t actually care all that much about holidays. But I will be sure to be even more careful about locking the front door from now on!


2 Responses to “My super romantic, sexy, perfect Valentine’s Day weekend”

  1. Tom Allen Says:

    I’m sure it wasn’t funny then, but it gave me a good chuckle to read this.

    My parents are also very conservative, which is why they always knock and ring the bell before entering – they’re afraid of finding me in flagrante delicto because they dont’ want to be embarrassed.

  2. W Says:

    Ahhh Yes, the 1st lesson every new perv has to learn…

    Check the lock on the doors!

    Happy to read it wasn’t worse.

    And the previous post “How to break up” made me wonder iff you had kicked the boy out on his arse!

    Who would you have to take out your sadistic urges on if that happened?


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