Cry me a river

February 9, 2009

The New York Times once again tries to convince us that living on $500,000 is impossible. What is up with these motherfuckers?

First, the tax calculations are way off. A guy making seven figures a year has an accountant making six figures a year who will find all kinds of clever (or not-so-clever) ways to minimize his tax burden.

I also find it hard to believe that these fuckwits do not have something saved from the millions they made in previous years. If they don’t, then these apparent financial wizards deserve even less sympathy for their troubles. Living beyond your means can happen at both $29,000/year and $2.9 million/year.

But I do have some poor-people tips for the swinging dickheads who are having their salaries capped:

  • Put the kids in public school. In the end, it will make them stronger (or learn to run faster, at least).
  • Fire the nanny; hire a babysitter
  • Sell the summer house. Or if the market for cottages in slums like Southampton–“not the top of the market” according to the Times–is poor, then burn the hovel for the insurance money.
  • Find a “modest” apartment that doesn’t cost you over $16,000/month in mortgage payments and co-op fees.
  • I know it’s asking a lot out of you delicate, pampered bitches, but you’ll have to sacrifice some luxuries. That means no more vacations (you’ll save money on kenneling your dogs too), eating out (much healthier to cook at home, plus you get to spend more quality time with the family), charity galas, designer clothing, beauty treatments, personal trainers, expensive gym memberships, private drivers and body guards (walk to work and fend off the angry proles yourself–free exercise!)
  • Clip some fucking coupons. One woman in the article spends “$425 every 10 days on groceries for her family.” Do these people eat steak and quail eggs everyday? How exactly do you spend well over a grand every month on groceries for people who also spend thousands on restaurants?

Seriously, come on!


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