A rose is a rose is a rose?

January 16, 2009

How does something qualify as a kink?

I mean, for a long time, anal sex was considered taboo, deviant, kinky. Now you can find scores of books on it, even how-to videos. But the humble foot fetish, despite being so common,  is still considered weird enough to qualify as a kink.  (Maybe because fucking is something most people can understand, while getting off on something that you can’t usually fuck is not?)

When I started poking around in the musty corners of Wonderland, I found a lot of weirdness that I have yet to wrap my oversized head (trust me, it is huge) around, like infantilism. Dressing up like a baby and crapping in your pants seems like a genuinely unusual and fucked up thing to do, i.e. kinky. But I’ve also found that here, up is down, round is square and that housework is sexy if you’re doing it in the context of play. Axe, for one, has told me that he definitely feels a difference between cleaning someone’s bathroom because she’s into it as a form of domination and cleaning someone’s bathroom just because she’s lazy. The former is play; the latter is a drag.

I’m sorta torn about housework and service being considered kinky. On one hand, I can see that an explicit D/s cast to the proceedings can be a turn-on, that being made to scrub the toilet on your knees while naked or wearing sissy clothes might be just another manifestation of submission. But on the other hand, I’m a little annoyed by the implication that (and I’m talking about people who live with and fuck each other here) housework is not something you do because you are a grown person and just fucking ought to do it, but because you’re getting something out of it.

In a vanilla context, you’re ‘helping’ your partner out with the housework (which is assumed to be mostly his or her…oh let’s cut the bullshit, her) responsibility and you get her gratitude or affection or sex or whatever. In a kinky context, you’re sweeping the floor because it’s making your dink hard. I’ve even heard of cases in which the sub deliberately fucks up so he’ll get punished. In which case he’s completely fucking useless.

I’ve also discovered that kinky people call cunnilingus, “pussy worship” and foreplay, “body worship.” Um, what?

While I can understand that mundane activities or behaviors can be transformed when participants frame them in certain ways, I have to call bullshit on the worship thing. When exactly did these normal, healthy, sexual acts become kinks? I damned well hope that every hetero guy out there knows that touching and kissing your partner in places besides her tits and ass and cunt is mandatory and that a proper pussy licking session should just about wear out your sorry jaw.

Perfunctory oral is the least sexy thing ever. It not only turns cumming into an obligation, but treats it as a gateway to the real sex, i.e. the old speed-of-light in-out. I’ve broken up with guys for being P-shy. If more women would do the same (or at least put the effort into training their men rather than faking orgasms), then the world would be a better place. But I also think it’s kinda fucked up to fetishize things that are a necessary part of that important, beautiful, blessed process of getting me off. It’s like kinksters are implying that going down on a woman for more than five minutes or spending a long time messing around pre-intercourse is somehow deviant.

Sometimes I think that a crafty woman, realizing that men have to be told that blue is the new green in order to do any-fucking-thing, invented body worship as a way to finally get the kind of sex she needed and service-as-submission as a way to get her guy to do some of the housework on a regular basis. Perhaps it is not a coincidence that terms like ‘ball and chain’ and ‘pussy-whipped’ evoke BDSM imagery and that the flip side of the controlling, domineering, shrill Hausfrau (…vagina dentata, bridezilla, hockey mom, mother-in-law, crone) is the whip-wielding dominatrix.

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2 Responses to “A rose is a rose is a rose?”

  1. Tom Allen Says:

    When exactly did these normal, healthy, sexual acts become kinks? I damned well hope that every hetero guy out there knows that touching and kissing your partner in places besides her tits and ass and cunt is mandatory and that a proper pussy licking session should just about wear out your sorry jaw.

    *ahem*
    If I might offer up an opposing viewpoint, these actions may have become kinks when it became apparent that a lot of men want to indulge, but have been declined by their (women) partners as being too perverted or “dirty.” Yes, dirty is the word that many of us have heard. Even my wife, after 20 years together, still has some issues with how she perceives various parts of her anatomy.

  2. axe Says:

    It’s all about context for me. Not so much about the act as it is about doing something for someone in the context of D/s.

    Hmmm I’ll need to roll this one around in my head for a while before I can explain it properly.

    You’re right by the way, ‘nilla guys should want to kiss and lick all over. Even though part of me likes the idea of having the market cornered.


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